A farmer’s only donkey ran away in the forest. He packed up a few days ration and ventured into the jungle to find his animal. He searched and he searched but he couldn’t find it, so he decided to retire for the night. He climbed up a tree, tied himself to the trunk so he…
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: “As a vet – I don’t need to ask my patients all kinds of annoying questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by…
Two Homeless Men Are Devising A Plan To Get Free Drinks At A Bar. The First One Has An Idea: “We’ll Buy A Hot Dog And Stick It Down Your Pants, Walk Into The Bar, Get Our Drinks, Drink, And When The Bartender Asks For His Money, You Pull Down Your Pants And I Take…
A 71 year old man is having a drink in a Chicago bar Suddenly a gorgeous 19 year old girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can’t take his eyes off her After a short while the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before…
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said ‘Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.’ ‘What do you mean?’ said the pirate, ‘I feel fine.’ Bartender: What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before. Pirate: Well, we were in a battle and I got hit…
The CIA has three candidates, two men and a woman, for one assassin position. On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun. “We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances,” he explains. “Inside this…
There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?” The…
A dude with his pants hanging half off his bum, two gold front teeth, cell phone in his hand and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said,”Hey man You know, I just HATE drawing…
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. “Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, “Nope.” As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks…
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and…