A Polish man had married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada for a year or so and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange for a divorce for him….”very quick!!!” The lawyer…
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him: “Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!” “Hell,” said Vernon , “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of…
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom” and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll take care of it.” A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was “Mom.” “Martin,” she said, “you…
Sam called his wife and said to her in a weak voice, “Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden, a stray dog came in the way. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but the car skidded due to high speed, rolled…
An Arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up. The Arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah’s help. All to no avail, the camel…
Two Homeless Men Are Devising A Plan To Get Free Drinks At A Bar. The First One Has An Idea: “We’ll Buy A Hot Dog And Stick It Down Your Pants, Walk Into The Bar, Get Our Drinks, Drink, And When The Bartender Asks For His Money, You Pull Down Your Pants And I Take…
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. “Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said. “A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested. The woman frowned icily. “He doesn’t really need that. A butler never entertains. He’ll get a tie.” The maid grimaced, but said only, “What…
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he…
Three guys are sitting in a bar. Suddenly the first guy’s phone rings, he immediately answered it then without saying anything he ran out the door only to rush back, quickly throws 10-dollar bills on the bar while muttering, “Damn I forgot to do the dishes, the wife’s on the way home.” Then he ran…
Harold lived on a farm and his wife, Mabel, who was always sort of nagging him. And every year the carnival roll into town and have these $50 helicopter rides. He always wanted to take one of these helicopter rides but his wife told him they weren’t going to waste money on it. Then one…