Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, “I will grant you ladies three wishes. ” The first woman said, “Turn me into a fish” and she swam across the water to the other island . The second…
A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. “What are you doing?” they ask her. So she replies, “Hanging myself.” The men are confused and asked,…
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you,you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing…
A man is listening to his daughter pray one night. The daughter says, “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, and goodbye grandpa!” The dad asks her, “Why did you say goodbye grandpa?” She replies, “I don’t know, it just felt right.” The next morning the grandpa sadly dies. The man rubs it…
Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor’s office, knitting. The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mothers looking at her, so she says, “Vitamins. Good for mummy-” She pats her stomach. “-and good for…
Two guys decide that they’d go out drinking on the night before their exam. Wasted on the night before, the two arrive at the university well after the exam ended. They went straight to the professor, saying that they couldn’t take the test because one of the car’s tires had gone flat. Surprisingly, the professor…
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him. “What’s this?” asks the psychiatrist. “A nip,” says the guy. The psychiatrist then draws a square. “What’s this?”It’s a nip,” says the guy. The psychiatrist then draws a triangle and shows it to the guy. “So, what do you…
The insurance man was explaining the benefits of his policy over those of his competitors. “If you fall from the eighty-fifth story of the Empire State Building, just for argument’s sake, and if you hit the ground, we pay you double indemnity. We pay you $15 a week for as long as you live. And…
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: ‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’ Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go…