A man walked into a resort and the first sign he saw said “Lool Area” He was confused and asks one of the employees about it. “Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts…
Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which…
Death: It’s your time. give me your hand. Blonde: No! i know that if i don’t touch you then I’ll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You’re soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde… Dumbass…
“If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?” “One dollar.” answered little Johnny. “You don’t know your basic math.” said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy.”
On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that…
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” That’s about…
There was a man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.” The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders…
A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway. Her husband says: “Be careful love, It’s just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway..” She replies: “Someone…? These rascals are in hundreds!”
I’m furious, my wife is cheating on me with a painter. I found traces of paint in the bed. It’s good that with a painter, and mine cheats on me with a truck. “That’s enough, how about a truck?” “I found a driver in bed.”
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.” The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn`t wear his collar…