A man and his wife goes for a date. They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day. When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor. “Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I’m terribly sorry but could I…
Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken. When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You’ve got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room…
A man invites a friend to a hunting party in Africa, We’re going to hunt gorillas. I’ve never done such a thing, how do you even hunt gorillas ? Well it’s quite easy, all you need is a dog, a big bag, and a rifle. OK… And how do you use them? Simple as that…
Two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s store…
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made…
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly…
A boy is visiting his girlfriend’s home for the first time. He’s looking for a drinking glass when he notices a row of cups in the cabinet, each of them inscribed with what seems like half words. He picks one of them down just as girlfriend’s mom walks in, and he asks her what the…
A young couple move into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging up the washing outside. Wife: “That laundry isn’t very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly Perhaps she needs better laundry detergent.” Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her…
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says OK, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around…
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make…