A soldier approached a nun Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.” The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out…
A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough.. there’s an ad for “Alberta Bear Removers.” He calls the number and the man says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his…
A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant. The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, “Are you sure about that?” “Of course I’m sure!” replies the corporal. “I am no longer a private. I…
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of b**bs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s brsts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice,…
Little Johnny’s dad asked if Little Johnny wanted to play a game Little Johnny asked “What game is it”? His Dad replied saying “For the next hour, sit on the front porch, count how many blue cars drive by”. And he sent little Johnny off to the front porch with a lollipop and promptly went…
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating… She says, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing? “One of the Bulgarian men says, “Can’t you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry. “The…
George comes home to his apartment, drunk as a skunk, and says to his roommate Ted, “I just visited Joe’s Tavern. It’s the best one I ever visited. It even had a solid gold toilet!” “Cool!” says Ted. He is so excited, he calls up Joe’s Tavern. “My roommate told me all about your solid…
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says: Hot dog – $2Cheeseburger – $5Hand job – $10He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives…
Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.” She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom. Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts. She runs her whip over…
A man goes into his doctors after being assaulted by an elephant in the jungle. As the man explains what happened in the jungle the doctor is confused. “Well, I can’t see any injuries on you, so what happened?” The man responds “Well you see Doc, the elephant knocked me down and…. Had his way…