A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, “At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about your personal night life.” The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his night life. When he got home, his wife asked…
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had make love with each of them three times.” Priest:…
At school little Johnny’s class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first student said: “Tylenol?” “Very good! And what is it used for?” “It is used for a headache.” The second student said: “Nytol.” “Excellent!” said Sister…
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.” The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re…
One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Billy, looks like you guys…
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had do this together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” Yes, she says, “I remember it well.” OK, he says, “How about taking…
I was a very happy man and was about to get married. There was just one thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister in law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was Bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got a…
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago, her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit. They took…
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken….
A man walks into a bar, and sees a huge jar sitting on the counter. The jar is stuffed with $10 bills. There has to be at least twenty grand in there. Curious, he approaches the bartender. He asks, “What’s the deal with the jar?” The bartender replies, “You put ten bucks in, and if…