My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, “Daddy, that man’s wiener is a lot bigger than yours!” The whole bathroom heard and…
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty lustful. He gets to the point where he can’t stand it anymore. So he decides to try and do the…
In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven….
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, “Oh my! Did you see that statue of the bared man back there?” The second old lady replied, “Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a…
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that is so horrible? Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting…
A woman was with her boyfriend in her bedroom. In a panic she told her boyfriend “Hurry, stand in the corner and do not move until I tell you to. Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s this, honey?” Her husband asked walking into the room. “Oh, it’s just a statue,” she…
A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she’d do. The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot. The pro said, “Your swing is good but you’re gripping the club too hard grip the club gently as you would…
A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!” The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He…
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” Now his mind travels…
As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. “How did everything go?” her mom asked. “Oh, mother,” she began, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time. But, mother, on our way back, Andy started using really horrible…