A drunk man is sitting at a bar. He leans over to the man sitting next to him and says, “Your mother is a liar.” The man responds, “Please, no trouble. Not tonight.” A few moments later, the drunk man leans over and says, “Your mother is a liar, and I caught her lying!” The…
Guy: Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber has never broken. How is this possible? Doctor: let me tell you a story. There was once a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his umbrella instead of his gun and went out….
A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales, So he put up a sign that read, “Free Night Fun with Every Fill-Up.” Rob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free Fun. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly,…
A man asks his doctor: “Do you think I’ll live to be a hundred?” The doctor asks the man “Well, that depends. Do you drink?” “Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water.” “Do you smoke?” “No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay…
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I…
An Irish housewife is at home, being a homemaker, while her husband is away working at the Guinness factory When she hears a knock on the door. Upon answering the door, she sees it is two of her husband’s friends and co-workers. “Mary,” says the first co-worker, “I’m afraid we have some terrible news. You…
A jet took off for the long flight from Sydney to Perth… As it got to cruising height the pilot finished his spiel but forgot to turn the microphone off. He turned to his co-pilot and said: “You hold the plane while I take a massive dump, and then I’m going to bang that hostess”….
A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine….
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have…
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest on bed. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at…
