Ben asks his new girlfriend for a HJ. “Ive never done that” she says, “what do I do ?” “Well” replies Ben, “remember when you were a kid and you’d shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it … that’s what you do.” She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she…
A drunk man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, “This is the pig I’ve been f***cking’.” His wife says, “That’s a duck.” He quickly replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living…
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I…
Three guys (Asian, American, and a Mexican) are on a hot air balloon trying to get back home. Something punctured the hot air balloon so now its going down really fast. The three guys decided to throw stuff that they don’t need away so the balloon won’t fall down too fast. The Asian threw away…
A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his weapon. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. “Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the…
On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that…
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” ‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight…
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?” A few days go by, and he comes…
A man walks into a barber shop and says, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest most beautiful br***sts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, “You and I should spend some…