The madam opened the door to see a rather dignified, Well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. “May I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Valerie,” the man replied. “Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam. “No. I…
A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him. One day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park… As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He…
A few years ago I had a proud (step)dad moment I think this sub will like.. This was right after picking her up from preschool. She was usually a bit grumpy and I always tried to be fun and keep the drive home more upbeat. Her: “I’m hungry.” Me: “Nice to meet you, hungry, I’m…
Jimmy had a foul mouthed talking parrot as a pet. Whenever the parrot would see the woman who lived next door. The parrot would scream, “Darn it, ho’, darn it, ho’.” One day, the woman came to Jimmy’s house and complained to Jimmy about the parrot and asked him to mind his parrot. Jimmy drowned…
Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. “Who is the creator of the universe?” Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, “God…
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want…
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can…
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, “No.” The woman said, “Well, what’s wrong?” The limbless man said,…
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey to the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed…
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water….
