Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street. Stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail, They decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police car one of the officers gets in the back with the…
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. So he went into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, “Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause…
One day a fellow came into the bar with a cat, not just any cat, but a mean-looking ginger tom. You could see the scars from across the room. But that wasn’t the weirdest thing; a six-foot ostrich – eyes like golf balls, followed them in – a real live ostrich! I asked the man…
A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe…: While he’s at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home. Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture Then, as she stood satisfied with her work, a bus passed by the…
An old couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered. They found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved: “I…
Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital status. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two…
Mr Jones drove his secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at their new year’s office party. She was sooooo drunk. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife who was an insanely jealous and suspicious woman. Later that night, Mr Jones and his wife were…
Little Johnny’s dad is called into the headmaster’s office because of his son’s misbehavior. He arrives ten minutes late. “Sorry I’m late, Mrs Deeny. I had a bit of trouble finishing some polishing at work.” Mrs Deeny looks up from her desk. “Polishing? What do you polish?” “Doorknobs,” he replies proudly. “I work at a…
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.” Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology….
Little Johnny was busy sleeping in the class when the lesson was going on. The teacher caught him and asked him. Teacher: Why are you sleeping while I was teaching? You are not listening! Little Johnny: Madam, your voice was so sweet, that’s why I slept off. Teacher: Then why are others not sleeping? Little…
