Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest…
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the “blonde” employee: “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you…
George and Jim were born in the same hospital on the same day They lived on the same street and they became the closest of friends, brought together by their shared love of football. Before they were old enough to go to school they’d play football together in the street. When they were at school…
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating’.” Sally raised…
A milkman who is dying in the hospital is surrounded his two sons, daughter and his wife and nurse. Says to his eldest son: “To you, Peter, I leave the Beverly terrace.” “To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartments in the High street Plaza.” “To you, Charlie, being my youngest son with a…
A guy walks into a bar with two black eyes after a church service. His friend ask “Dale, what the hell happened to your face?” “When the lady sitting in front of me stood up to sing the hymns, I noticed her dress was clutched between her butt cheeks, so, being poIite I pulled it…
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man,…
A blonde woman called her brunette friend. “I’m doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it’s way too hard for me!” “What’s the jigsaw supposed to be?” asks the brunette. “According to the box,” says the blonde, “it’s supposed to be a rooster.” When the brunette arrives at the blonde’s apartment, she looks at…
A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theater. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man. “Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up? “The man groans, but remains seated. The Usher becoming impatient with the man, “sir, if you don’t get…
Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I never can tell one car from another.” At that, Jim decided the time…