My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, “Daddy, that man’s wiener is a lot bigger than yours!” The whole bathroom heard and…
Three desperately ill men go to their doctor seeking help. One is and alcoholic, One is a chain smoker and the other is gay. The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die. So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears…
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw me undressed in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to…
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty lustful. He gets to the point where he can’t stand it anymore. So he decides to try and do the…
An old man is laying in bed, he only has a day or two left. He wakes up to the smell of his favorite thing in the world, chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen. So he musters all his energy and pulls himself out of bed and then drags himself down to the kitchen…
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife. ‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies. ‘Put them back, we can’t afford them demands the wife, and so…
In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven….
A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor. it reads, “Do you have any undressed photos of your wife?” Outraged the man replies, “NO I DO NOT!” Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apology he opens…
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, “Oh my! Did you see that statue of the bared man back there?” The second old lady replied, “Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a…
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain….