An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.” His wife was…
After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he’d have to withhold 10 percent of Joe’s wages to pay for the…
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom” and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll take care of it.” A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was “Mom.” “Martin,” she said, “you…
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your…
A guy and his girlfriend were going on a romantic long drive. Suddenly, the guy, who is driving the car pulls up on the side of the highway and starts to take his clothes off. His girlfriend asks, ‘What are you doing? What if someone sees us here?’ The guys tells her, ‘If you want…
A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. “Think it’s safe to cross?” the man asked. “I reckon so,” replied the farmer. The puddle immediately swallowed the car…
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at…
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that is so horrible? Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting…
A very sick woman on her sick bed said to her husband: Honey if I die, how long would it take you before you marry a another wife…?! The man replied: Till your grave becomes dry my love. Then she said: Are you promising me this…? Husband replied: Of course darling… I promise you. And…
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, “My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble.” The second deaf man signed back, “Boy, you’re lucky. My wife…