A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl…
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a…
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me. One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled,…
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. “You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. “I went to visit my Nana.” “No,…
A man sticks his head into a barber shop and asks “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says “About 2 hours. “The man leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks “How long before I can get a…
A woman just gave birth to a baby boy. Unfortunately…. The doctor was holding him and told the parent, “I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids. ” The mother replies,” That’s terrible. What are we going to do?” The doctor says,” I’ve seen this before, don’t worry. We will circumcise…
A pothead, a math teacher, and a gym teacher all go to heaven. God tells them that heaven is full and they will have to trick the devil to be let in. God calls the devil and the devil comes in and introduces himself. The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation….
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he…
One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Billy, looks like you guys…
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had do this together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” Yes, she says, “I remember it well.” OK, he says, “How about taking…