A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.” Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind…
A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began… …One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the…
Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison. The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, “Don’t worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time. “The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, “I brought this harmonica so…
The Devil sat at the gates of hell An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file. “This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a…
A legal representative of KFC manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your eminence, we have an offer for you. KFC is prepared to donate $100 million dollars to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give…
John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers. Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught. At…
A woman with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a crew member ‘just how far away from land are we?’ Calmly, he reassures her ‘ you have nothing to worry about miss , we’re only 5 miles from land.’ Relieved, she inquires…
A man heard his friend had lost two wives in two years. He felt bad so he called to give his condolences. He asked “how’d your first wife die?” “She ate poison mushrooms.” “What about your second wife?” “She died of blunt trauma to the head.” “Why would that have happened?” “She wouldn’t eat her…
A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him. He couldn’t believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast? So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to…
A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant. The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, “Are you sure about that?” “Of course I’m sure!” replies the corporal. “I am no longer a private. I…