George and Jim were born in the same hospital on the same day They lived on the same street and they became the closest of friends, brought together by their shared love of football. Before they were old enough to go to school they’d play football together in the street. When they were at school…
A teacher told his students, “The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early.” Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face. “Who threw that?!” the teacher shouted, angrily. “Me!” piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. “Can I leave now?”
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gentleman suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.” The…
A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened…
A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married. She put an add out in the newspaper. “Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed” She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn’t find anybody suitable. She was…
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over…
Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour. “Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me”, she exclaims. And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss. “Oh,…
God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating’.” Sally raised…
A girl comes up to her boss and asks to borrow his car. The boss denies her so she begs and begs and begs until finally the boss says, “fine, I’ll let you borrow the car if you drop on your knees and give me some enjoyment.” Disgusted, she turns around and goes back to…