An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, call girls, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and…
The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor. “In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly. The nurse says, “Well no, but I’ve seen the unclothed human body before. ”The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my bared body.”…
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, but your weapon was severed in the accident and we couldn’t…
A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. “What’s wrong with him?” he asked his assistant. “He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn’t find any so I gave him an entire box of laxatives”. “You idiot” said the pharmacist “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives”. “Of…
An old man is sitting out on his deck one day when he sees a young boy walking down the road with a roll of duct tape under his arm. “Where are you going?” asks the old man.” To catch some ducks” says the kid” You can’t catch ducks with duct tape” replies the old…
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was poof and the other…
A man was having early climax problem so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to come, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter gun and ran home to his wife. That night the two were…
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman… he’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened…
On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Mary goes straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Mary tells her grandmother that…
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? “Because he used to live in a guesthouse” says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: a new guesthouse!” The woman laughs. When her daughters get home…
