A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his business. His mother walks in. “Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!” “I’m kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?” A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. “Hey, champ! How you doing?” The kid ignores him. “Don’t like…
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her…
A man meets an attractive woman at a bar and decides to introduce himself. He smiles and says, “You know, I’m a lawyer.” The woman looks at him and asks, “Really? Honest?” He quickly shakes his head. “No, no… just a regular lawyer!” The woman laughs and says, “Well, at least you’re honest about being…
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. “I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday,…
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he…
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, “I want to join your club.” The guy was amused but says she needs to meet certain biker…
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street. Stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail, They decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police car one of the officers gets in the back with the…
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. So he went into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, “Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause…
At school Little Johnny’s class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said: “Tylenol?” “Very good! And what is it used for?” “It is used for a headache.” The second pupil said: “Nytol.” “Excellent!” said Sister…
One day a fellow came into the bar with a cat, not just any cat, but a mean-looking ginger tom. You could see the scars from across the room. But that wasn’t the weirdest thing; a six-foot ostrich – eyes like golf balls, followed them in – a real live ostrich! I asked the man…
