An old couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered. They found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved: “I…
Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital status. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two…
An Australian copper pulled an 87-year-old woman over for speeding. As he looked at her driver’s license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a concealed weapon permit. Taken aback, he couldn’t help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession?” She replied in her crackly voice, “Indeed, I do….
Mr Jones drove his secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at their new year’s office party. She was sooooo drunk. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife who was an insanely jealous and suspicious woman. Later that night, Mr Jones and his wife were…
Little Johnny’s dad is called into the headmaster’s office because of his son’s misbehavior. He arrives ten minutes late. “Sorry I’m late, Mrs Deeny. I had a bit of trouble finishing some polishing at work.” Mrs Deeny looks up from her desk. “Polishing? What do you polish?” “Doorknobs,” he replies proudly. “I work at a…
Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her. He asks her what it is and she embarrassed replies, “Oh, that’s mommy’s black sponge.” A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, “Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!” She…
Two elderly builders go into the pub after a hard day’s work. They’re sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. “I’ll bet he’s an accountant.” said the first builder. “Looks more like…
Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him. He asks, “Little Johnny, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?” “I farted in class and the teacher threw me…
The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her distinct lack of skivvies. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?” Ole demanded. “Well,” she said. “You don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford…
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.” Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology….
