There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man,…
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood. The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty bloody. “You see that village over there?” ” yes” “well i drank all blood there”. Than second bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one “You…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’ She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend…
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams ” bitchss and asses!” Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied ” aunts and uncles” Oh. Next thing he hears is “dikks and pusiees!” Johnny asks ” what’s that mean?” To…
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him. “What’s this?” asks the psychiatrist. “A nip,” says the guy. The psychiatrist then draws a square. “What’s this?”It’s a nip,” says the guy. The psychiatrist then draws a triangle and shows it to the guy. “So, what do you…
A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight. “The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink…
An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year. One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping “50 bucks is 50 bucks.” The following…
A blonde woman called her brunette friend. “I’m doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it’s way too hard for me!” “What’s the jigsaw supposed to be?” asks the brunette. “According to the box,” says the blonde, “it’s supposed to be a rooster.” When the brunette arrives at the blonde’s apartment, she looks at…
A very tall man walks into a bar… and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. “What’s that for?” the lady…